I share my story here, not as a prescription on the motherhood journey, but as a live instance for those who are thinking of or are curious to know and explore the experience of extended breastfeeding (beyond one year). I am sure you will choose the path that appeals best to you.
***
5 April 2011: A few weeks after my daughter Radhika was born, in a meeting with my Lactation Consultant Effath Yasmin, I was asking her; “So Yasmin, what is the recommended time to nurse, is it 3 months or six months?” She had simply said, “When your baby’s all needs are fully met, she will wean on her own”. 

26 July 2016: Radhika is more than five years old and she continues to nurse – maybe once a day or sometimes once in 3-4 days; for a few seconds. On other days, she is happy just checking in on her “mamma dudus” to see how they are doing, give them a big hug- her most adorable friends!

To me the simple logic intuitively appealed- Why do I need to put a stop to the nursing process when I am certain I will not have a nursing teenager! Do I need to interfere with a natural process? Can I trust this natural process and let go of my urge to control? I did not need to intervene for my baby start talking, start walking or even start nursing, then why is it me who decides when to stop nursing. I am sure when the time is right, her body and mind will lead her to wean away, I thought. At the same time there were few doubts too, honestly, it seemed like a long long long long way …and I wondered if I would have the wear with all to continue nursing, especially given that I would be resuming full time work by the time she is six months old…. I decided not to worry too much about it and just take a day at a time. Here was a chance for me to give the best nutrition possible for my baby’s body and mind, and I wanted to make the best of this opportunity…that’s it!

If I can call my aunt’s sister on the other end of the world for the best crib, if I can travel in horrid traffic to get her the best clothing, surely I can try to give the best nutrition available for her body and mind, sitting right inside me for as long as she needs. (and in a sense it also allows me to continue to be lazy!)

Of course this has not been a very easy journey, but honestly it has not been that difficult either, once I was internally convinced and also received the right support. This has been a journey which primarily involved 3 Ps (the management jargons don’t leave easily!) Planning, Persuasion and Perseverance.

The first crucial phase which helped to later sustain extended breastfeeding was the transition back to work. I had a meeting with my lactation consultant Yasmin weeks in advance, to plan the transition. This helped me be prepared at my end and also to become familiar with some of the unexpected situations that may arise. Without this preparation, focusing on breastfeeding can become quite a challenge as the work front transition also requires a lot of time and effort after the maternity break.

My consulting sessions with her helped me to identify the type of breast pump I needed. I gave myself enough time to familiarise with using this machine. I could deal with the initial phase of hardly being able to express few drops of milk as I was still at home. (this phase can demotivate any mother, if it’s too close to the time of joining work, which causes stress, which in turn impacts expressing efforts) By the time I was ready for work, I was at ease expressing and had already stocked up the freezer with ‘Reserve Milk Supply’!

I had also pre-selected a day care close to my office, which allowed mums to come in and nurse the child. While the initial months of nursing were manageable, I did have to negotiate my way through with the day care when it came to nursing Radhika beyond 1 year. The toddler section had certainly not experienced mums coming to nurse. This might sound strange, but here is when my daughter came to my rescue – there was a night when I spoke to her in bed about my challenge of continuing feeding her in the afternoon as the caretakers were finding it an additional task to put her to sleep after she woke up to nurse…Since the next day, till the day I stopped the afternoon nursing session, Radhika slept through all her afternoon feeds! I would tip-toe to her mattress, tuck myself next to her, she would nurse in her sleep, while I found my solace with her and went back to work refreshed from our quiet time together. I chose to do this every afternoon, because I had learnt that having mothers milk externally while provides the nutrition, takes away the suckling opportunity which has its own benefits both in terms of physical and psychological development. (This and many other such facts was shared by my LC which started strengthening my conviction to nurse by baby as long as she chose to)

The work transition plan also included a session with my peers and seniors at work – to talk about my nursing plan. This helped build expectations, so I could excuse myself from office, during my lunch break. This preparation included me being comfortable with myself – to utter the word ‘nursing’ / ‘breastfeeding’ , in front of my Boss, or other male colleagues too – especially as I was working in a male dominated work environment. So I said to myself, “Madam, is your discomfort with the words more important, or feeding your baby what she deserves and can get only from you?” The answer was obvious.

I realised that when I communicated my requirement with conviction, I received the support I needed be it from my office, the day care or even at home with my husband or parents. Many times, with our cultural mindset, we end up giving our needs the last priority. We also create the myth of being indispensable at work and feel guilty of stating our own needs – which may need a bit of adjustment and allowance from others. This was a new way for me to approach being at work too. I had to remind myself to not burn myself out in trying to fit into this image of a SuperMom in some cereal and detergent ads. I trained myself to seek help both at work and at home and to forgive myself if I fell short of my perfect standards. This helped me create time for my baby. Our nursing sessions in the evening and nights helped me reconnect and bond with my little one and de-stressed me too. It also meant catching up with work at odd hours after baby slept – was certainly not complaining about that!

I also learnt to plan my working day better, with greater focus at work and realised how some of the corridor talks or unplanned events eat up time. The time I created for myself, I used to express milk at office, once or twice a day, or sometime none. (while not the ideal way, but my office had decent wash rooms for me to feel comfortable to express milk). I used to store the milk in the office refrigerator and then transfer it to the Day care fridge in the evening for them to use for Radhika the next day. Expressing milk at night time, which over a period of time became an easy practice was used to keep the freezer stock. This was my best decision as there were many days when I was too tired, caught up with work and then, I did not have to worry about her milk supply for the next day!

By now I was so convinced that I was doing the right thing for me and my baby, that one day at work  in our ritual of sharing a ‘health or safety moment’ before a long meeting starts, I decided to share about the importance of breastfeeding in a room of 7-8 men – and I was the only woman. To my pleasant surprise we had a good 10 min conversation on it! Ok so let’s add a fourth P – Passion!

Co-sleeping helped me have restful nights too. I was grateful that with this decision, I did not have to get out of bed and sit upright every time to feed her. It meant rolling over to her in my sleep so she continues to suckle in her sleep!

Challenges: The answer was in the resolve and in being creative

And surely there were challenges – like any other aspect of life!

Other sources of my support apart from Yasmin were books on breastfeeding, stories of women around the world who have been in very challenging circumstances as compared to me and yet were committed to breastfeeding. Also becoming a member of the La Leche League (LLL) library helped me borrow books that were relevant to my stage of nursing relationship. While I could not attend too many group support sessions, but the LLL group meetings is a great place to share joys and challenges with like-minded nursing moms which also goes beyond learning about feeding to other aspects of attachment parenting.

My Lactation Consultant Yasmin who offers a myriad of resources for mothers like me including running a LLL Library as a part of her NGO initiative also offered a workshop - the parenting communication skills workshop which opened up a whole new world of communicating with children, very different from the notions I held earlier.

The other challenge has been to deal with questions and disapproving looks and body language from some of the close family or friends who may not be alignment to this approach of extended feeding. It has at times led me to re-assess my own decision, which more often than not would fly away the moment I would see Radhika comforting herself after her hard day’s work (if you think being a toddler is an easy job, think again! So many new things being thrown at your face each moment and coming to terms with so much of discovery is no child’s play!). From logical explanations, to skirting the issue to laughing it off, I’ve tried to be creative and compassionate and at times abrasive too!
Over a period of time, by the time Radhika was two, the demand for nursing started reducing. Of course by now, even for me this had become such a natural and integral part of our life that it clearly did not feel like an “additional task”. It was part of our play time, bed time, morning fun etc. Then suddenly, there was a phase where she went back to frequent nursing. As soon as I would get back from work, she would want to nurse. Her garden time also shortened and she would get back and nurse again and then again before going to bed. At one point I started getting irritated with this behaviour, even my husband mentioned that maybe it is time now to end – anyway I had done ‘more than enough’! I decided to call Yasmin to talk it through who allowed me a deep space of acknowledgment from her. Here is what I realised after my call with her, based on my reflection to some of her well-directed questions – What I was calling ‘frequent nursing’ was hardly that – yes, she seemed to need me more, but not like she was nursing for 15- 20 mins, each time…it turned out to be barely  5 mins! I noticed that I had been quite busy at work of late and this was Radhika’s way of saying - Mamma I miss you and need you – how beautiful. I also realised that my irritation was placed in the pace that I had unconsciously allowed myself to get into (the wannabe SuperMom was getting the better of me!). So I took a deep breath, relaxed, let go and loved my baby and our nursing moments were of course a part of it.

And I am ME too..not just MOMMY!

And then there are times - few and far in between though…when a No was a No. When I have just not been in the mood to be giving in, when I really was dead tired…by now Radhika was old enough to understand Mamma’s firm No. I would let her know how I felt at that time and that today was no dudu time, or I would make it Dad’s turn to put her to bed with a storybook.

I had decided that upto the age of three I would not spend the night away from her – and that’s how things turned out for me. I could live up to that – at times it meant that the entire family went on my business trip, but what the heck! My company supported this arrangement but after I had asked for what I wanted without making my own assumptions.

Post that I was ready to go out - the first time, a long way off, to Houston, for ten days on business. Radhika did great, along with her dad. She did not cry for her favourite time, did not miss mama dudu – and the moment I was back, it was back to our ‘usual routine’! The words of advice from Yasmin turned good friend by now rang true that your baby senses your need and will support you when you really need it. I saw that happening for real. I had of course prepared her well in advance of my long absence and so she knew what to expect. (that should lay to rest the common myth of breastfed babies being clingy!)
After this there have been innumerable trips, on work, training and even a girl gang goa trip! Only to come back to the tight hug from her- I guess these little away times helped us both!

Memorable Feeding moments:

Here are few of the many memorable moments, which I may have missed, if I did not continue our fun feeding time as she grew. While I am writing this I am also thinking, its like, I put in all the hardwork to get the feeding rhythm right, the positions, the expressing, the night time sessions etc. and what a shame had I given up just when it started becoming fun and easy !  - where we play more than drink, where we only have night time swigs, rather than full meals, where we hear the little one tell you what all does “dudu” taste like (honey, strawberry – and my favourite- it tastes like YOU Mamma !), where their imaginations run wild – from ringing the ‘door-bell’, to climbing the ‘mountain’, from purring there and rolling in laughter, to having naming ceremonies for her two best friends, to having a feeding session under the waterfall – and I could go on..You also get to know how close she feels to her friends based on whether she wants to share mamma dudu with the friend or not!!

A month or so ago, when Radhika did not ask to be nursed even though we were doing Storytime in bed together at night, I thought to myself the next morning..looks like this beautiful journey is nearing its end and my eyes were moist. Would our closeness be this close I wondered, sure it would, in a different language though, I assured myself.
I felt proud of myself and very fulfilled and satiated that I chose to go all the way… and had amazing people and life circumstances that supported me.

And as if the universe was watching this quiet moment of mine.. I got a call from my close friend to watch the rehearsal of their new play they were opening – my jaw dropped when I heard what was the play about. It was a play on Hirkani – the brave mother in Shivaji’s kingdom who despite all odds, climbed down a dangerous cliff to breastfeed her little son. And as I watched the play, with me as the only audience, I rejoiced and celebrated my journey. On my way back home, I got a call, checking if I could write my experience on extended breastfeeding! From just having watched a story, to writing one of my own!  What can I say! Life Is Beautiful and I am grateful.
 
Extended Breastfeeding Credits:

Thank you Yasmin, Rakesh, my parents, my home-help, my Organization and…. Radhika…and my nursing shawl!

Support:

• A good attentive caring Lactation Consultant is an indispensable resource. For me that was Yasmin who allowed me profound ways of connecting me with myself or others.
• Continued understanding and support from Family especially husband
• Having the right basic knowledge
• Preparing for work
• Transition to solids
• Communicating skills with baby (a great resource offered by Effath Yasmin)
• Nursing Shawl
• Work Place/Day-care
• Support group meetings
• Library- stories of other women, across the world
• Me – Myself !

Extended BF – the lazy mom’s joy

• When I need to go out – Just put in the nursing shawl
• When the baby is cranky – just nurse the baby
• When the baby has a fall – just nurse the baby
• When the baby is sick – Just nurse the baby
• When you are too tired to engage – Just nurse the baby

Tips from my experience:

• Believe in your belief despite what you read and hear (including this!)
• Use your support system- don’t shy away from asking from help (neighbours, friends, work colleagues, husband, in laws) – we are meant to function as a community
• When you face a challenge speak to an expert – the knowledge that LCs have on this matter deserves recognition. Your doctor may not have the time and patience to deal with the ‘seemingly trivial’ issues that you face on your BF journey or even to breastfeed
• Join a LLL support group and read books from their library
• When it appears uphill, stop – pause and notice how you are running your entire life, before blaming the baby for your current state!
• Be creative in creating time for Self and also with Spouse. Yes, it is possible for all to co-exist.
• Sit back, relax and let her enjoy her drink !

 
Preeti Birla Nair is also a freelance HR consultant, Life Coach and Playback Theatre practitioner. She was working with BG Group, during the phase of her journey described here. She is more than happy to share her experience with natural birthing and extended breastfeeding and can be reached on [email protected]

You can reach my Lactation Consultant Effath Yasmin and access her numerous resources such as parenting communication skills workshop or even her LLL Library here www.nourishandnurture.in

 ​When I had my tongue-tie release, I shared my experience with friends, some of whom have tongue ties themselves or have kids with tongue ties. Many shared on with their family. A certain friend's brother in law said to her " If this is such a big deal, then how come no one knows about it. Even if modern doctors don't know that much, how come ancient Indian texts mention nothing." She shared his question with me and l felt no need to prove anything beyond just sharing my experience.

A few weeks later, I had friends visiting from Pune who immediately noticed the difference in my energy signature. I shared the story again. At that my friend Khushmita Sanghvi said "Ofcourse its in the texts. Its in Hatha Yoga Pradipika. Its called Kechari Mudra" A google search later, there it appeared, an account of the lingual frenum and how it should be severed to create advanced states of consciousness." That totally explained my experience after the frenotomy (which you can read in the account on my website or here)
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Yesterday, I was sharing about the tongue-tie release with my dance teacher Salome Roy Kapur (someone i deeply idolise because she's full of life and yet so spiritual and compassionate). She's also a regular yoga practitioner, homeschooled (because the nuns would not have a student who danced in their convent school) and i can go on.... Anyway, she said "Oh the yogis talk about this, its called Kechari Mudra".....amazing na. Here's my experience once again....yes i'm going to keep sharing to create awareness of this disability . Please share to create awareness.

​Part 1 : Guzz guzz gruzz the anxious buzz

guzz guzz gruzz goes the anxious buzz. This is the background score that plays relentlessly and restlessly on the instrument of my body in its many nuances. It pulls at my fascia(the connective tissue that is really is our second skin) here and there, tugging and drawing on my bones, sinuses, adrenal glands and physically raging a ceaseless war with an unknown, unnamed, unsought enemy.

War is not my thing, yet war ravaged my inner landscape for 33 years. To understand what this meant for me, I invite you to come and experience my life here, come inhabit myself, come journey as me.

I am playing; I must be about 5 years old. I use the upturned boxes of my father’s visiting card boxes, with the tiny finger holes in them to make a stove. I place upon them my kitchen vessels and as I am cutting out rotis from leaves with a discarded metal soda topI am unable to be absorbed and completely immersed in what I am playing.  I am five, I am curious, I want to be absorbed and immersed by my play of making rotis but I don’t understand the guzz guzz gruzz anxious buzz. It feels like a restlessness, like this is what I want to be doing, but it’s not what my body wants, and there’s no peace and stillness inside.  It is a very live wire, electric shock kind of experience that I can feel in my body.  I cannot be still and must keep doing and planning for the next do-ing when one thing was nearing completion. Although I don’t know what this anxious buzz is, my little self knows it must be vanquished 

As I am growing, I try role playing, I make different kinds of friends, I seek out new experiences……anything to get rid of the guzz guzz gruzz anxious buzz. Perchance, I dance, I discover the freedom and catharsis and pure fluid relief that movement can bring…..somewhere in that experience, the buzz gets a little faint, sometimes, if I’m lucky, it is so faint, it is almost gone. I realize I have a possible solution, I feel elation even in the buzz that still scourges on.

Whenever I am angry or upset, the buzz pulls my whole body taut, like a stretched violin bow. The sound that I hear and feel inside is like the highest pitch on the violin. I feel the tautness more than I hear the high pitched sound. When someone is yelling at me or a friend is saying unfriendly things to me like she doesn’t want to me my friend, the sound inside me is louder and more dominant than the yelling or the unfriendly tone of my friend itself.

I also discovered that slamming the door shocks the buzz into a state of freeze. It is like the buzz is still there, but doesn’t move. It is frozen. Then I discover when I lock myself in a room with music, drape my dupattas just so, and stare into the long mirror on my dad’s Godrej almirah, I can transform into another character and I dance and I spin……and boy! can I spin…… In the dancing and in the spinning somewhere in an uncertain space….there is a moment, sometimes longer of bliss. The buzz is gone, oh so momentarily, such a will o the wisp, almost like that special moment when your child did something unique or funny and then it was gone.

I am in the 9th grade. I am fiercely competitive. I love learning and still do, but I also vociferously want to always stand first. I put myself through all this self-imposed expectation and then there are all those fat ICSE textbooks that need to be studied. And I remind myself that I must not lose my rank because my Hindi is not good enough. Exams stress me out and I have these horrible migraines. It’s like my head will explode and burst. I am short tempered, the smallest thing will annoy me and I am drinking coffee and studying at night. Coffee helps intoxicate the buzz, so it doesn’t grab attention over the books.

I am in college. Someone I know throws a toffee wrapper on the ground, just because they know I will pick it up, and I do. I am called Captain Planet and it’s not funny. When someone is sarcastic as some people just are, my entire body goes into clamp down mode. It’s like in Prison Break, when there’s a security breach and the alarms are buzzing and red lights are flashing the order is lost and all the heavy iron bars and doors are racing with the siren to clamp down and shut down. It’s all inside my body; my mind is completely aware and able to make sense and to just ignore the comments. I cannot emphasize enough that this is what I feel entirely in my physical body alone. 

The anxious buzz made an over achiever out of me, not allowing me to be, just do do and do….it’s not entirely a bad thing to be charged up for achieving, but oh those moments of silent bliss, where there is no background score, just a feeling of lightness and quietness and a silence could give me the feeling of being ‘rested’. 

At some point I realized the entire quest of my life had been to get rid or quieten  the guzz guzz gruzz anxious buzz.. I had dancing highs, Vipassana highs, yoga highs and love highs.)These highs were the silent symphony and it was becoming more frequent. I sought it …….always. I remember sitting in psychology class and hearing about self-actualization and wondering if that was what those moments of silent symphony were. 

I never spoke to anyone about this anxious buzz in my body; I just assumed everyone must have it in their body. I want to say here, that origin of the buzz was in my body and its effect on the mind was completely an escalation of the physical experience of it. Though like everyone I have challenges in my personal and professional life, the buzz was only further escalated at these times….but it always existed.

It would also feel an excruciating overwhelm physically to be in the presence of many people… The anxious buzz would feed on other people’s vibrations. If someone is angry, even a random women fighting for a seat on a crowded local train, the buzz in me would go befriend her energy. So the buzz was gathering unto itself all energies it came in contact with. 

Travelling in Mumbai was a hellish experience anyway and add the buzz to it; it would feel like I am gathering energies of random people that tend to be restless, hasty, quick to anger and racing. Being in local trains was so excruciating, with the energies of women that had woken up too early to cook and pack tiffin’s and catch the right bus to catch the right train and get a seat so they could chant or chat before they went on in exactly 18.55 minutes into the next necessity. I invested in a Walkman and listened to the best of Gypsy Kings or Madonna hanging on that central pole of the train by the door, alighting at every stop, safeguarding that final step before the train left for my feet to find, space, my hands to find space, my ears were plugged in, listening to Madonna….. “Just like a prayer I’m going to take you there.”

I experience many moments of sometimes extended silent symphony as my yoga practice gets stronger. I have experienced that with Latin American dance, which really calls to me with its unsurpassed joie de vivre, the silent symphony is shorter and further between. A month in the Himalayas studying yoga begins healing a terrible L5 slip disc that doctors said was only degenerative because of my congenital scoliosis (irregular curvature of the spine to one side, also a midline defect) and brings me experiences of silent symphony that I only later read about in books from great masters. 

A few years later my time spent in Bermuda, quite deeply immersed in my yoga practice in the lap of nature, and in dance too bring home to me a discovery of personal truth. Not as flies to wanton boys are we to the Gods, but rather, as butterflies, sheltered in a cocoon of grace as we go through intense and necessary periods of metamorphosis, because fly we must, it is our very nature to do a fluttering dance, that comes from the stillness within our bodies and beings, dancing in rhythm to change that is inevitable.

guzz guzz gruzz goes the anxious buzz….it is not gone yet…will it ever?

Republished from Mirabelle Dcunha's blog ​http://mirabelledcunha.com/guzz-guzz-gruzz-the-anxious-buzz/
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​PART 2: The Silent Symphony

​Years later…..I sat on her couch in Mumbai, this complete stranger (Effath Yasmin), with my 9 day old baby in my arms, helpless, tear filled feeling like a complete failure of a mother. My baby was unable to nurse. The buzz was devouring me, it was loud, it was bold, it was taunting, my body was overwhelmed with shivers of volcanic proportions, my fascia were stretched to tearing point, and were yet being played upon by porcupine quills. 

To add to this I could feel the buzz in my infant….this could not be happening…..it was beyond surreal, beyond a divine joke. Imagine feeling my own guzz guzz gruzz anxious buzz and then feeling as palpably as labor surges, the buzz in my child. My husband was my only solace. 

This stranger was the messenger, nay the midwife of my release, but we both didn’t know it. After a long and tedious journey, we discovered the little angel had a tongue tie. A path breaking first time in India on an infant with laser, she had a frenotomy, a small surgical procedure that is quite painless and bloodless. This was preceded and followed by Biodynamic Craniosacral Therapy, that made the buzz go away from our baby. Read more about the procedure here That meant the buzz in me went back to my normal average. I didn’t think much of it, but was elated and on top of the world that she could nurse and nurse she did for a long time to come and what grace that one act of being a mother cow can bring, is journey that I wrote  about in another note.  

Exactly 4 years later I sat on her couch again. We were friends now, Yasmin and I having journeyed like only soul sisters from a universal mother can. Our daughters were having a sleepover and we were up chatting into the night. I am about to move to the Cayman Islands, so we are making the best of whatever time we have with our dearest friends. Yasmin and I often talk about tongue ties, it is her area of expertise and deeply interests me. I have since counseled many mothers whose babies have tongue ties, I have friends whose babies and older children have tongue ties but do not have it resolved, mostly due to unsupportive fathers. I can diagnose simple tongue ties physically and definitely know many of the symptoms behaviorally. I can see that I have several. 

 I request Yasmin to check me. This also coincides with her understanding and her investigation that while my body would respond to improved function after every Biodynamic Craniosacral treatment sessions over the past year, it would recoil into some unknown buzz again. Its almost like my body cannot sustain the better function. Her investigation was the restricted structure must be the cause. It comes as no surprise that I have a tongue tie. There is not a flicker of doubt that this must be resolved before I leave. I have 6 weeks. We get to work with Biodynamic Craniosacral sessions, a beautiful nonintrusive way to ease the body into its optimal wholeness and well-being by improving body’s physiological function

I have my frenotomy. It redeems me. It is done under local anesthesia and even through the anesthesia, as soon as the frenum is severed, I feel my jaw relax and I start to feel like a big weight has begun to lift off my neck and shoulder muscles. Apart from that I feel pretty normal. We leave the clinic and Yasmin gives me a ride to the homeopathic chemist, so I can get bio-chemical salts for anti-trauma and pain if needed. I am beginning to feel something peeling off my inner skin, so to speak. I don’t say anything though. As we wait for the remedies, I talk to a close friend that needs a frenotomy and tell her I’m feeling relaxed and pretty normal. 

Suddenly the lightness gets larger than life, my inner skin was still feeling like it was peeling.  Imagine one of those heavy collagen face masks peeling off various internal layers of your body you never knew existed. I decided to sit down and focus on my Ajna Chakra. I feel a little more focused. I go off to the next store to get a paracetamol, just in case I need it for pain. By now whatever was happening, was escalating. Yet my inner core was still as a lake. The peeling of the inner skin (which I now know was fascia) was progressively relaxing  rapidly. It felt like a lot was falling away, like cascading away. Yasmin comes by me and I ask her if she can take me home and then involuntarily collapse into a heap in her arms. 

I am completely conscious and feeling fine, except for the physiological happening. My body was saying, hold on I need to take over for a while. My entire body started vibrating. Not like a phone vibrates, but a very subtle yet powerful vibrating. Something more like diffusing, like an essential oil in a vaporizer. It kept on going. I was so high in my head; it felt like I would become one with the universe. I have had this feeling before, during a yoga practice in the Sivananda Ashram and while birthing. I am not alarmed, yet everyone around me is. 

In that busy street of Mumbai, a crowd has gathered. I am able to tell Yasmin, who is not panicking at all, that I am well. They give me glucose. I don’t want it. I have eaten a good breakfast and I know something incredible is happening, that just needs allowing and time. Yet I sip. Slowly the vibration reduces to 80% and I am able to volition my body into movement. I receive a message, as I often do, some call it intuition, for me it is so crystal clear I can never doubt it. I must be taken to the doctor who performed the frenotomy because he does this procedure more so from the limited view of a anatomical restriction and not so aware of  the depth this small minimally invasive procedure could hold for people like me.
 

I get home and rest in Savasana. Yasmin offers me a Biodynamic Craniosacral  session. I sleep, but I am completely aware. Little tingling sensations are taking place all over my body. This continues and after 8 hours, I have a massive headache. It is the most awful thing ever, I know these sinus headaches, they have made me feel like banging my head on a wall and cracking it open and only go after I throw up, and the change in head position while trying to throw up is another roller coaster all together. I have been taking biochemical salts anti-trauma pills as suggested in my post-operative care by Yasmin and then receive a Biodynamic Craniosacral therapy session. This brings much relief.
 

Once that headache is gone, I sleep without a pillow in savasana for a few days. The re-calibrations continue as tingling and shifting in my body. I continue with the frenum massages, so the frenum doesn’t reattach. These massages make the tissue in my mouth feel more comfortable and help with eating  food , which could otherwise have been stiff and painful.else it could make me feel my mouth more stiff. The healing on the physical plane alone was amazing. The pictures will speak for themselves. I was extremely tired for a week. It was like all kinds of toxins were released with that peeling off feeling. But what can I say the guzz guzz  gruzz anxious buzz had gone away! This time completely. 
 

The so-called normal activities around in our life like the machine that droned spraying mosquito repellent or the tearing noise of the brown tape on the cardboard box didn’t grate on my nerves anymore. You may relate to how it feels when someone scratches their nails on a rough surface or when chalk scrapes on a blackboard
 

There are some relationships that one has that don’t come with a choice and some of those could really annoy me, because of the buzz in those people. After the frenotomy, could meet the same people where they were, without judging them, just seeing and feeling genuinely at peace that we are all on different paths to the same place. I cannot tell you what a relief that was! Not to want to convert everyone to healthy eating or even to make sure their kids had the frenotomies they needed that were the answer to all their issues. Whatever it was that used to irk me in my body before was gone. The guzz guzz  gruzz anxious buzz had really gone!!

 
I got my first yoga practice in a week after the frenotomy. There is a natural resistance when you do yoga, but there was something like a fight earlier, even with years of practice. The fight  was now just gone. Yoga, my absolute love was really “sthiram sukham aasanam” that which is still and in which there is contentment.. I stopped a few minutes into my surya namaskaars. I was crying….so much ease was just too good to be true. I mean this is what the yogi’s meant. It wasn’t about flexibility and strength and how much you can do, or how long you can hold, it was about being at ease and content in a pose/asana and that stillness of mind with the complete natural surrender of the body that is energetic and beyond flexibility is the most incredible continuous bliss ever!

 
I started to be more at ease with everyone. I was able to be at ease when my daughter went to sleep a little later than her schedule or meals were a little late or occasionally not healthy. The presence of other people’s buzz didn’t affect me. I can still sense it with great clarity, but it does not affect me anymore. This alone has created heaven on earth. All the Biodynamic Craniosacral Sessions over the past year prepared my body to receive the gift of a tongue tie release that would last perhaps a life time. 

I am now on the beautiful Grand Cayman islands on the other side of the world from Mumbai. In my 4 months of being here, I have not experienced any headaches that lasted for days ending up in a throwing up and head banging feeling before. I have not experienced any sinus attacks that would cripple my life for days on end before. I managed a massive transition of moving home from India to Cayman Islands with minimal help with ease.
 
During my short stay here so far I have met many adults and children  who have tongue ties. Their parents struggle with discipline and food issues. Not everyone will get this, maybe not everyone is prepared. It took 34 years for me to be liberated, everyone has their own journey. My mother and mother in law are both tongue tied and I can see how their lives have been affected. Even if you look at only the physical impact, it is large. I hope that in time, Biodynamic Craniosacral Therapy  will prepare them to arrive at a space where they can have the frenotomy they need.  

I write this thinking of all the mothers I have spoken to, with infants that cannot nurse and are too “colicky”, the mothers who know something is wrong, but have no support from their spouses. I write this for all those that continue to experience the anxious buzz, all day, all night, lifelong. 

I write this for the children that have this anxious buzz and cannot express or understand it. Like the little me, I know their trauma. 

 I write this for the doctors that have been given such a narrow, limiting view of the human body as something that is fixed in form and function.  

I write this because most tongue ties are yet undiagnosed and under researched.

I write this because I witness Yasmin going through her journey having selflessly dedicated her life to serve and support people and families who are affected by tongue ties against all odds in her life.  

I write this because this kind of liberation from disability is everyone’s birthright.  

I write this because I am free!

Republished from Mirabelle Dcunha's blog ​http://mirabelledcunha.com/oh-the-sweetest-silent-symphony/​

How did you know that you needed help with lactation?

From the very first day after my delivery I was facing numerous problems during breastfeeding and felt very helpless. My gynecologist suggested me to use nipple shield which became inconvenient afterwards and it caused low milk supply. When I started feeding without nipple shield I used to have intense pain because of the improper latch on. I had no way to know what was causing the pain and felt inadequate about the way I positioned my baby. I have asked so many pediatricians and doctors about the issue but there was no help at all. Everyone suggested me to have patience and wait it out and said this is normal for many first time mothers and I was asked to do nothing about it and not to complain about it. Unfortunately I had to start giving formula milk when my baby was one month. This was the most devastating thing for me to feel that I did not have enough milk for my baby and that I was letting my baby starve if I dint give formula. I felt like a failure.

Where did you look for help and what help did you find?

I turned to my gynecologist first and then to several pediatricians for help desperately but I disappointed. I was also aware that there were lactation consultants who were specialized and could help in solving the lactation related problems. When I searched online I got two to three consultants. But doctor Effath Yasmin was the only person who understood my problem and was confident enough to resolve it. She finally gave me hope.

Yasmin took a detailed history from me and has spend hours with me and provided me thorough guidance and support despite it being online and long distance. Never once did I feel I left alone after connecting with her. She gave me comprehensive support via phones calls, pictures, thru every possible way as I was not able to travel with a baby of one month. From the pictures and videos which I have shared with her she diagnosed that my baby was tongue tied. And suggested the resolution called as frenotomy. She gave in-depth support to protect my dipping milk supply and kept me motivated every day until we worked to find resources to resolve the cause. 

How was the experience?
Let me tell you the most interesting thing is that the actual treatment was only for 10 mins mostly including the preparation time. That’s it. But the whole journey towards it was bit difficult and the main hurdle was lack of awareness. In fact lack of importance for continuing breastfeeding when issues occur and huge lack of awareness amongst the medical community to help a breastfeeding mother like me was the biggest huddle.

First thing was to convince family  to get that treatment done, then finding the right doctor to do it, then convince that dentist about the issue and how that treatment will help to resolve it. Doctor Yasmin has been immensely supportive by talking to my family, helping them understand the implication of the problem and the importance of the treatment for long term improved health for my baby. She worked with me to find a doctor and provide professional educational support to help the doctor understand the importance and the need for this treatment.

Finally the frenectomy was done but my baby responded to it very slowly. Doc Yasmin suggested me few exercises which I need to do on a regular basis to get the expected result. And on one fine day I got complete freedom from the fear, worry, pain, and nipple shield! My milk supply got better and increased over the weeks following the procedure. Now he is five and half months and completely breastfeeding, no other supplements and also zero pain while feeding. I cannot tell enough about how liberated I feel about finally enjoying being a mother to my baby. 

What was the treatment called? What did it involve?

The treatment is called frenotomy or frenectomy. In this treatment baby suffering from tongue tie and a lip tie is helped with releasing the tie with a small slight cut on his frenum to improve the tongue movements and help baby have ability to deeply latch, suck and swallow. It involved doctor preparing by swaddling the baby to prevent movement and used normal sterile scissors to snip open a small portion under his tongue which was less than half a minute. Preparation took longer than procedure.
Yasmin reevaluated my baby’s tongue and suggested further release since it was complete the first time. I did not hesitate to go the second time since I knew it really is a small procedure with huge benefit with no risk. Even no anesthesia was used.

How is your baby now? Did the treatment help him?
My baby is healthy and happy now. His weight gain is proper and everything is absolutely fine now. I am a happy nursing mom now.

How important is breastfeeding to you?
Breastfeeding is the most important thing for me and baby. This is the first step towards healthy life for a bay and a mother. I have gone through a huge emotional, psychological and physical trauma because of lactation issues but finally I could resolve it with the help from Doc Effath Yasmin and now feeding is the most pleasant thing for me and my baby. I cannot thank her enough for the support she has provided me. 
I would like to spread awareness and help new mothers if they are facing any issues in lactation. I already started providing information to my family friends and relatives. I feel empowered as a mother. Thank you for giving me an opportunity to share my experience.
 
Expert Notes by Effath Yasmin an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant IBCLC, Mumbai, India
A tongue is an extremely complex muscular organ which is essential for sucking, swallowing, breathing, speech, eating, drinking, chewing, tooth and gum health, and digestive health. A baby’s mouth is designed to breastfeed effectively and any loss of normal breastfeeding experience either by the mother or the baby must be evaluated or treated as early as possible to avoid future problem and more importantly from premature weaning.

A tongue tie is and a lip tie is tightness in the normal tissue that attaches the tongue to the floor of the mouth and gums of the baby respectively. This prevents normal range of movements of tongue preventing important functions of the tongue. Some of the symptoms may involve

• Inability to latch or shallow latching at mother’s breast
• Repeated unlatching during feed
• Choking or spluttering milk
• Prolonged and very frequent breastfeeding
• Colicky and gassy  baby
• Mouth breathing and snoring
• Difficult in handling solids
• Disturbed and Inadequate sleep
• Excessive or inadequate weight gain
• Nipple pain while breastfeeding
• Thrush or episodes of mastitis and abscess

Frenotomy is a small procedure which is essential for release of a tie and is the first step to restoring normal tongue and lip function. Rehabilitation of the tongue motor function is an important follow up treatment after the procedure with tongue exercises and sucking. This procedure requires no anesthesia. The rehabilitation period is sometimes longer for older babies and children. Therefore it is best done in infancy as early as possible. Most importantly this protects an important experience of breastfeeding for the mother and her baby.        
 
Interview published on healthsite.com 

In India, a number of new mothers face problems breastfeeding their newborns, but are afraid or shy to talk about it.  Here is the story of a young mother, who struggled with breastfeeding issues, but did not give up. Her baby had a common condition, but the lack of awareness only prolonged her trauma. Here is an interview with the mother and her lactation consultant Effath Yasmin:
http://www.thehealthsite.com/pregnancy/breastfeeding-problems-can-be-solved-with-the-right-help-real-account-of-a-mother/
 
 

Saturday 14th January 2012
Mumbai
 
This is not a subject generally discussed or shared with anyone besides ones close family and friends. I share this because I feel the learning and awareness our experience has the potential to create is tremendous. If even one family is saved the intense pain and trauma such an experience brings and if I can share the positive learning we gleaned from it, a HUGE difference would have been made.
 
What is this taboo topic? Nursing, less subtly known as breast feeding. In Bombay in particular it appears to be a taboo to discuss this (unless its advice of what foods you should eat) . Everyone discusses the “labour pains” ( which in my experience, through physical and mental  and spiritual preparation were very mild and quite pleasurable and exciting) but no one tells you, nursing (I’m using the less taboo word so I don’t offend some sensibilities) can be consistently painful.
 
In my own preparation for the little one, I did not give much attention to nursing, though I did attend a session by a La Leche League leader. My thinking was, birthing is where the intervention occurs, so let’s study about that, so we can make informed decisions as parents-to-be. Feeding I thought was most natural, like giving birth and since no doctors intervene, I didn’t need to prepare at all. Life always has a way of making me shift my beliefs with the aim to help me shed them all eventually.
 
The following is my recollection of the experiences of baby, daddy and me from her birth until the challenge of her feeding was resolved at 3.5 months. From guilt and pain and feelings of inadequacy caused by an internal locus of control and an aggressively pro breastfeeding and even more Nazi advice giving Indian society to visits to over 10 of the best doctors in this city to the discovery (thanks to our wonderful Lactation consultant Effath Yasmin) that our daughter had a posterior tongue tie. None of the doctors were able to diagnose, until connection was established with a NY based doctor over the internet and a local doctor was found in Mumbai and the surgical procedure for a posterior tongue tie was performed 3 times on baby and possibly for the first time in Mumbai or even India!
 
I share this not to seek your admiration or pity, I share this to empower women that are pregnant or will be pregnant or have friends that may be pregnant or trying to nurse. In an era of supposed women’s liberation, I take the courage to share, a very women centric experience so a difference may be made. I want to reiterate that doctors as wonderful as they are, do not have the intuition you have with regards to your baby.  While most doctors recommended we feed Sivaanaa formula with best intentions in mind, doctors and our families and social circles must respect that how to meet our baby’s requirements is a personal choice and a personal right.  The story is long, but I urge you to read on ....you never know when you may be able to help someone.
 
Prologue
 
The streets are bleached ashen under the glare of the night lights. The moon and its powerful silence are obscured by construction cranes, unfinished buildings and the impatient honking of cars whose drivers are racing away seemingly ahead even when there is opportunity to relish the concrete city stillness. Pariah dogs languish in their familiar hunger. The last vegetable vendors are pushing their carts home. Cars jam the road to the airport- impatient, excited, in a hurry, apprehensive, overwhelmingly emotional, -- all of the above. A myriad stories incompletely told.

Today my being has taken over my mind and my pain body. I can only describe the is-ness of my being as an urban satchitananda; clarity of truth, existence and possibly a short lived but rare human bliss in the midst of urban functionality and a resilience that is unique to the people of Mumbai.

Why this clarity, this pervasive peace? Why this morsel of divine nectar? After 3.25 months of a God gifted challenge, our daughter is able to nurse freely. This day I have awaited more than the day I wed my soul mate, more than when our daughter was born. It is here. ‘Ask and you shall receive’ is the divine promise, always fulfilled in His time.

Flash back

9/10/11
Little Baby Sivaanaa Magdalena is born. Desire for natural birth is thwarted by divine intervention when her head gets stuck in the birth passage after 14 hrs of an intense but very pleasurable labour. She is airlifted through a C section while lights are dimmed and powerful mantras pervade the OT.

Week 1
I am in the most intense physical pain I knew up until then. Bedridden, unable to sit up and feed my child.  Emotional bordering on irrational. Rudy is such a blessing.

Week 2
Slowly recovering physically. Constant nightmares during the few winks of sleep. Why despite my yoga and our preparations as a couple and the most amazing spouse and calm gynac and third eye Ajna Chakra buzzing labour did we end up with a C-sec?  A myriad other questions in the same vein. No answers just tears.

Add on several doctors visits. Baby dehydrated. Dr asks if I have enough milk (like how would a first time mum like me know what is 'enough ' and asks us to give formula. Formula is a Forbidden F word to me. But baby's dehydrating so I snap at the relentless pro natural fundamentalist voices in my head and get my first n hopefully last tin of formula. I use it sparingly. Trying to breast feed. Baby latching properly. Check. What's wrong then? Whip out the breast pump I got for occasional use. Maybe one lonely drop of mother’s milk in an hour.

Week 3
I am bruised. Still depressed n overwhelmed. Recovering from surgery n hemoriids from natural birth.  Possibly not lactating adequately. Baby’s latch meets all perfection criteria. Something must be wrong with me. My body's letting me down again. Frustration, anger, and deeper depression.
 
 I'm sent an invite to a breast feeding workshop by a friend on FB. Baby is just 12 days old. We cart her to Goregaon. I learn even more fab things about breast milk n feel lower. We set up a private consult. Early diagnosis; possible birth trauma and mechanical tongue restriction. We need to address these and work on building up an inhibited milk supply . Recommended treatment; Cranio Sacral therapy. I'm still meditating or should I say intermittently tuning in, so I'm getting answers n guidance in bits.

Week 4-5
We start cranio sacral therapy for Baby and me. My body and pain body need release from the trauma of the c-sec as well. I am helped and Sivaanaa loses her deep gag response. I begin expressing and pumping milk, one little drop at a time. Feels like a drought. Meanwhile we chart the little ones weight. She must stop dehydrating and at least get back to her birth weight. We note with tallies the number of pees and poos and their quality n quantity. Sivaanaa is such a peaceful baby. Yasmin our lifesaving LC (Lactation consultant) says we will have to take help of formula as a medical aid until her weight is regained. Me the natural birth n breast milk fundamentalist is left choiceness. Baby refuses the steel vati, the medicine dropper etc so we use a SNS (for those as clueless as I was it's Supplementary Nursing System. ) a tube with formula or expressed milk is taped to the breast to allow the double function of retaining the baby at the breast and stimulating the production of milk. Meanwhile I pump every two hours almost around the clock. The times that I miss, because I'm exhausted or sleepy I feel bad about. Rudy is always there hugging me, making breakfast, changing baby and just being the peaceful gentle nurturing soul he always is. I am low but I count my blessings every day. Somewhere along the way, I collect 100ml in a day’s pumping. It will account for 3 of her meals.  I take a picture with the bottle. My most prized trophy ever! I dance around the room. Some hope gleams in my tired and anxious eyes.

Week 6-8
All the dink laddoos, methi seeds, Ayurvedic capsules, organic lactation promoting teas etc have been consumed. I have visualised a Ganga of milk flowing from Shivas head. I have composed a ditty to get milk flowing- my personal lactation mantra. I know it’s only my stress keeping me from lactating. I must let go of my negative view of baby’s birth. All 3 of us prepared so well, that a c-sec could only be her choice in choosing how to come. Having had both experiences God gave me the learning that nothing is good or bad. Some things are preferable on a personal level, however none must be judged for who knows what drives their choices. SNS is not working. It's very painful, so to give me rest and allow me to focus on building supply, we use an infant feeding tube attached to a syringe. Poor baby, I cry every time I see that tube and syringe feeding her.

Week 8-10
Did I mention that Yasmin our LC thought baby might have a posterior tongue tie based on how I'm getting bruised and distorted? We visit the best paediatricians in the city, the breast feeding experts, the works. We drive across town, stopping at kind friend’s houses so Rudy can feed and change Sivaanaa while I keep to my pumping schedule. So what did the doctors say, including one renowned senior paediatric doctor, who also happens to be an ardent breastfeeding advocate/expert ? Baby’s latch is perfect. She doesn't have a tongue tie and this statement without even looking at her mouth ! I was recommended to discard the bottle and feed for 48 hrs at the breast. The pain I was told is natural, though how women would opt to nurse their babies with this kind of 'natural' pain for aeons is totally unbelievable. So I did the 48 hour thing. I was desperate enough to try. Little fighter baby fed for 18 of 24 hrs and then again the next day.  Eventually she was exhausted and sleepy and I was bleeding. That led to blood in her stools and more panic for me.  How many times I swore I would give up and go the formula way. Yet there was a persistent intuition that I would be able to feed the little one.

Baby was now almost 3/4th on expressed milk though feeding from the tube. Sterilising and tube feeding was too cumbersome. Hooking it all up at night etc so, I convinced Yasmin to let us use the bottle. Actually I think it was more like an understated threat; we use the bottle or I quit. I was formula fed and I turned out slightly weird but happy.
 
Week .... I’m losing track here...
 
Baby never liked the bottle. Believe it or not there is such a thing as bottle stress and she had it. Shoulders up to her ears, forehead frowning, tightly clenched fists and tightly cringed toes. Poor little girl. It was very convenient though for all those times she felt hungry while we were in the car driving to the next doctor in our quest for answers. Doctors say once the baby has the bottle, it loses its preference for the breast. Maybe some babies or most babies....not this one.
 
Meanwhile we worked with Yasmin, slowly eliminating all possibilities or rather possible problems and were left with the tongue tie. As parents our observation was that our very peaceful and smiley child tended to gag and cough every time she tried to laugh, which was often. It was like something was yanking her tongue back. She also cried very softly and there was something distinctly different in her cry compared to those of other crying kids we observed at our many paediatric visits. Yasmin said a paediatric dentist was more likely to be able to help identify a tongue tie than a paediatrician since the former studied oral anatomy in more detail. And so we went to a well recommended paediatric dentist, who assured me baby has no tongue tie and I should be just glad I can feed her my milk through a bottle and stop looking for problems when there were none! 
 
Finally, thanks to Yasmin, we sent a case report with her observations and a video of baby’s mouth as she cried to a dentist that specializes in tongue ties in Albany, New York. Dr. Lawrence Kotlow has helped many a child feed by performing a frenetomy, a surgical procedure to clip the frenum and free the tongue. He agreed with Yasmin’s report and said it appeared Sivaanaa had a tongue tie and definitely she had a lip tie but he couldn’t make a definite diagnosis from a video. He connected Yasmin with a Mumbai based laser dentist . There was hope finally. My intuition told me that it was most certainly a tongue tie and if the frenetomy was performed all would be well.  So we proceeded to what hopefully was the end of our quest.
 
Dr. Suchetan Pradhan examined Sivaanaa in joint-consultation with Yasmin. He agrees with just a lip tie, no tongue-tie he says. Phew! He said he could use laser to sever the lip tie. He wasn’t sure it would make any difference to her feeding though. We decided to go ahead with it. It would help her dental development positively anyway, so why not. We were so nervous....read all about the procedure, risks etc.
 
Yasmin could not sleep that night because the pieces don’t fit in together. The presentation of baby oral function and feeding assessment indicated a posterior tongue tie. She had earlier spent lots of time patiently matching Dr. Kotlows video of how to diagnose a posterior tongue tie with Sivaanaas video, frame for frame. Such selfless dedication, this woman is truly called to do what she does) Now she sends Dr. Pradhan the finer details of her observations and Dr. Kotlows video on how to diagnose a posterior tongue tie
 
We go in for the lip frenetomy. Dr. Pradhan had received another call from Dr. Kotlow, so he decides to check her tongue again. Guess what he finds? A posterior tongue tie! We are so happy!
 
The labial frenectomy is in process...Sivaanaa is confused but trusting. Dr Pradhan and his wife Dr. Shalini are calm and organized. They keep us in the loop. We play mantra music through our phone. The procedure is over in 15 minutes...Sivaanaa seems fine. We go home, waiting to feed her and check if it’s worked. We are so proud of the little one...she was so brave.
 
Labial frenetomy made a 5% difference for me...not significant but it gave us hope. Two hours later the anesthetic gel wore off. Sivu was howling like we had never heard before. I hugged her close, gave her skin to skin but she kept crying. I swore to put a stop to all these breast feeding experiments. Enough is enough!
 
We got our dear homeopath Dr. Rashmi Jaising to prescribe homeopathy for the pain and soreness Sivaanaa was so intensely feeling.
A week later we were back to get the tongue job done. Nervous again. This ones tough. Why? Because a little baby is constantly moving her tongue so one wrong nip would lead to a catastrophe.  Dr. Pradhan was going to do local anestheisa and administer chloral hydrate (a hallucionogenic called a sedative by the medical community) Anyway, they said they would try with only the anaesthetic gel. Dr. Shalini, his wife, suggested using the Indian bath position to stabilize baby’s head. It worked. Sivaanaa clamped down on Dr. Shalini’s fingers and that stabilised her tongue a bit. Drs and Rudy and me, spoke to her before, telling her how important it was to try and keep still and how proud we were of her and how brave she was. She looked in our eyes and drank every word in...she even smiled. It was like she knew all along that this would change her fate and that of many babies in India with similar challenges. How I thank God for giving us the gift of his presence!
 
Week 13?
Dr. Pradhan only does a little. He takes small breaks and talks to Sivu in between as do we. It’s done. We are home again. Guess what 80% difference. WOW.... I feel so good... she can almost feed now. Still incomplete though.  We give it a week to sort of evolve. A week later, more frenetomy. Now I can feed her. The pain and distortion are almost gone. I would have liked some more, but Dr. Pradhan doesn’t think it’s necessary since she can now feed.
 
​Epilogue
 
Right after the second lingual frenetomy procedure, Sivaanaa can laugh almost uninhibited. She makes all these sounds she couldn’t before. Hell she can cry an assertive adamant baby cry! She can roll her tongue from side to side. The most priceless thing ever was the first time she fed successfully. She obviously felt the difference too. He face had the patient enjoyment of a meditator....not wishing to go forward in time or backward, in the NOW and relishing each moment, silent and serene. When she was done, she came off, looked me straight in the eyes and gave me the most radiant, blissful toothless smile ever. I have been in heaven and it’s a sweet sweet indescribable bliss....
 
..........the street dogs continue to languish in their familiar hunger, the cars honk impatiently and the city races mindlessly. In the midst of all this sit Rudy, Sivaanaa and I, content in our urban satchitananda.

​Sivaanaa refuses the bottle, even expressed milk in a bottle. She still smiles when she feeds, even in the middle of the night when she feeds with eyes shut.  I wish the frenectomy was complete and the pain gone. Sivaanaa would not need to feed so often then. We would be truly free, but we accept that it may not be time for that yet. She came to challenge me to find my limitless strength, she came to empower, and she has made an example and a successful experiment so no other mother and child (and father) would willingly have to suffer like we did. A few days ago, another baby had a frenectomy and there is an improvement in her latch. More babies will follow. We hope the doctors will devote more time and energy studying the details of ensuring the procedure is complete, so our baby can be completely healed.  Our journey has already empowered so many others. We are all so limitlessly blessed and presented with opportunities to find and share our bliss. Happy blissful living!
 
*All this was made possible because of the selfless care, empathy and understanding and deep study and knowledge of our lactation consultant Effath Yasmin. May she always be blessed. 
 
We also commend the courage of Dr. Suchetan and Shalini Pradhan, doing a new procedure on an infant for the first time ever while taking every care to be safe.  
 
And how can I ever thank my darling soul mate and husband Rudy for his relentless selfless love, service and support. May our souls be always inextricably linked forever. 
 
It is impossible to thank God for his energy and presence, his faith in us and this well disguised opportunity to evolve our souls. We love God insanely and are truly humbled.

Published in Babyoye Online and Mother & Baby Magazine - ​https://babyoye.files.wordpress.com/2012/08/effath-yasmin-ibclc-mirabelle-sivaanaa-story.pdfbabyoye.files.wordpress.com/2012/08/effath-yasmin-ibclc-mirabelle-sivaanaa-story.pdf